Us Against Them: Two Types of People in the World


Pulp or No Pulp?

Just like some people enjoy pineapples on pizza and others don’t some people enjoy pulp in their juice and others prefer it plain. It all boils down to your tastebuds and its cravings.

We personally don’t like the pulp but if you’re inviting friends or family over make sure to have both varieties! Or a really good mesh strainer. Those little buggers are hard to filter out!

A Bit or a Lot?

We’re huge lovers of Nutella and most of the world enjoys chocolate too. That creamy goodness slithering down the spoon onto a nice slice of bread. Served with milk. What’s better than that? That’s a hard combo to top.

Some people rather have a small piece with their toast or bananas and others like to shove a heaping full into their mouths. Which person are you? Either way, if it has chocolate then count us in! Nutella also goes really well with peanut butter. Yum.

Normal People and Sociopaths

When dating, check to see if your partner is a sociopath by the way he eats his chocolate. Casually give it to him while you have him wait for you. He’ll be waiting out front for 30 minutes while you finish your make-up routine. Date him if he eats like the one on the right.

That’s a keeper. He had come to the date with quite an appetite. Ditch the one who eats chocolate like the picture on the left. In these times, only sociopaths eat chocolate without hand-washing. Are you the one on the left or the one on the right?

To Squeeze or to Roll

Ah. The toothpaste. The struggle is real. Sometimes we like to squeeze until our hands hurt until we’ve covered all the bases of our toothpaste bottles. And other times, we like to roll it from the bottom because it seems more effiicient that way.

Both ways guarantee success. But what about squeezing the toothpaste in all possible crevices and then rolling it? That seems like the solution! After all, by combining two ways to get the most out of the tube seems like the best way to squeeze the paste out. Or… you could just buy new toothpaste.

Extra Ketchup or Nah

Sometimes we like ketchup in huge amounts and other times a sprinkle will do. For the ones who like massive amounts why not just order ketchup and a fry or two on the side? Ketchup is loaded with sugar so that explains why it’s addictive.

Ketchup is great but what about mustard, mayo or even spicy mayo? These other dips need time in the spotlight for being equally tasty. They shouldn’t be deemed as less important than tomatoes. Throw us a soda and a good Netflix series and we’ll be in heaven.

Make up or Natural Look

On days where we feel pretty, we’ll throw in some make up. A splash of rouge on our lips, a light pink cheek tint and a winged liner will do. These two girls represent two sides of women who prefer to look natural and others who prefer the more glam look. It’s all about preference.

Both looks are great and make you pretty nonetheless. We just wouldn’t wear a full face of makeup before the gym. After all, we wouldn’t want eyelash extensions surprising the next person to use the treadmill now, would we?

Fried Chicken

The person on the right probably skipped out on lunch and dinner for the past 3 days or maybe their intermittent diet is kicking in. They finished the chicken in one sitting from the looks of it and the person on the right side took their sweet time.

Sometimes it’s better to take your time to chew. After all, if you’re scarfing down food without chewing several times chances are it’ll take your stomach much longer to digest the food you just ate. We recommend eating slow and steady. Or if you’re starved then scarf down your food. Just don’t choke!

The Educated Driver

You’re on a road trip with friends for 6 hours and your driver says that you have enough gas. You lean in to reaffirm his claim but see that it’s nearing the end. He whispers: “it’ll be fine” and you end up stalling on the freeway at 4pm in the afternoon.

This sounds like a scene from a movie but it’s happened in real life. It’s best to fill up your tank when it’s nearing the red line to make sure you don’t get into accidents. Better safe than sorry after all right?

School Woes

Remember going to school? All those years of cramming science lessons in one night and chugging monster energy drinks until your eyes fell off. That looks like the night the girl on the left had. Or maybe it’s almost spring break and she’s getting ready for it.

The girl on the right on the other hand, isn’t as eager but she looks like she slept properly the night before. Who got As on this day? We’re thinking the girl on the right. But looks can be deceiving. The girl on the left might be a genius who just pulled an all nighter.

Snow White is That You?

It’s Halloween time and this year these girls decided to skip out on the traditional witch costume and go for their favorite Disney character. After all, snow white went through so much to be free. She endured the 7 dwarfs, came back to life after a spell and reunited with her prince.

These two variations are both great. One looks like it’s perfect for winter (with another extra layer) and the one on the right is rocking a summer look. A Disney princess who can rock both outfits? We stan. And also, we love the creativity in this idea!

Seeing Double?

Do these women look the same? Look again. But at the lower region. One of them spends hours at the gym everyday looking their best while the other probably focuses her workouts on other aspects of her body. Both bodies are beautiful and we embrace both kinds.

Skinny, thicc, skinny and thicc – all types of bodies are built differently and all shades are beautiful. A fit body is hard to achieve and takes a lot of patience and endurance. If you’re on your own fitness journeys, we commend you.

College Girls

Nights towered over books, studying every line from your trigonometry class. Yes these were times we certainly don’t miss. And then there were those cheerleaders in your school who always dated the jocks. Classic.

These two girls are a perfect representation of how it’s like to be in school. One day you’re all glammed up and preppy and other days you just want to crawl into a hole. They illustrate our two moods perfectly and we couldn’t agree more. Could they be related or best friends? By the looks of it, it looks like they just met.

The Perfect Costume

It’s a giant smurf! Or can someone else ID this costume? We are at a loss. We love the creativity and the fact that she painted her face blue to match. She also looks like she’s ready to bounce off a few walls with that costume. Looks like tons of fun!

On the other hand, the girls on the right are not having it. They came, they saw, they conquered. Both costumes deserves props. It isn’t easy to walk around in those 7 inch heels after all. Nor is it easy being a blue da ba dee da ba die.

Baby it’s Cold Outside

No way you’d survive in zero degrees weather wearing a tight shirt. This has got to be photoshopped right? Well, no. There are people who head out dressed like this and we applaud them. We just wouldn’t want to be with them.

The girl on the right is much better equipped. She looks like she’s looking warm from head to toe in her winter outfit. We’re just not sure how she’ll be able to walk to her car… Hopefully, there’s someone around to lift her? There’s a fine line between being dressed for winter and overdressing for winter. Both girls are on extreme ends. Where’s the middle ground?

Taking a Bite

This person took a bite (literally) the one on the right. When Kit Kat said take a break they meant to break off a piece not to chow down on all of the bars. This person mistakenly took a Kitkt bar for a regular chocolate bar and we don’t blame them.

We think it’s better to eat the chocolate piece by piece. After all, why would we want to eat a huge chunk right away? Seems inhumane. But also, it bothers us because it doesn’t look right.. Oh well. Everyone has a choice we just don’t get this odd choice.

Mum or Dad

Who doesn’t love a baby pic with mum or dad in it? They’re proudly showing their children off at a time the latter knew nothing of anything. That’s unconditional love right there. We hope those kids reciprocate that degree of affection, right after seeing these pictures.   

Image Courtesy of Buzznick

What was that? Nutrition and support! Told you that in this world there are either mums or dads. We know. Dads can be gross!

Tamed or Untamed

Ever observed how different a tamed animal is
when placed in the wild, or vice versa. It’s not a laughing matter; neither is
this COVID quarantine for extroverts and introverts.

That,
ladies and gentlemen, is the mental health progression of an extrovert. They go
into isolation, all happy and optimistic, thinking it’s like the weekend.
There’s video chat, and the weekly supply run so it won’t be all that bad. Then
they’re doing Tao Chi and planning on tearing the house down after 48 hours.

Socially Famous

You believe that your e-mail is meant for logging unto gaming platforms, and reading free web articles.

Your email address has been a decade old…Thank God you had the common sense to keep it simple and respectable. No aliases, no body parts involved. Hence, you didn’t have to change it upon landing the job.  You treat all your e-mails as spam and delete them by hundreds.

On the other hand, others run businesses and rely largely on company e-mails- bb, cc, and bcc. They read it per day and have internal meltdowns every five minutes. 

Steve Jobs vs Everyone Else

There are the geniuses and the sheep. The geniuses don’t need to go to school like the rest of us. Teach them the basics and they’ll survive. Teach them the alphabet and they’ll be able to solve trigonometric equations after Z.

The current educational system fails to teach basic life skills. So one Reddit user gave sound advice,

And there are days we would have agreed. But skills are skills. They’re learned and honed over the years, under the sculpting of mentors.

Even the most illustrious individuals went through their share of failures, in school and at work, so that shouldn’t be a reason to stay illiterate.

Pizza Lovers

These
two are pizza lovers, but both differ when it comes to crust. One devours the
pizza in its entirety, but the other devours based on taste. For the former,
pizza is pizza. The crust is meant to cleanse the palate. It’s the break
between the dinner courses. It’s the tea between the last plate and dessert.

Image Courtesy of Cracked

For
the other, pizza is only meant to be enjoyed. It ought to be topped with
several condiments, leaving no space for waste. And should there be crust, the
least the Italians could do is to stuff cheese or sausage in it.

Have a Lay

It’s one of the most awaited events of senior high. You can’t have a zit or be a pound heavier for different reasons. You either have to look stunning in that high- slit dress or have capacity room for all that junk at the party

Image Courtesy of lol damn

Atta
girl! You don’t need a man to satisfy your needs. Just pop a pack, or head unto
the long table. There’ll be punch and sweets. Going to college is the real
score!

 Twerking or Eating?

When
you are at a party, you’re confronted with two types of girls. Both are having
the time of their life.

One is twerking, while the other is munching. It would depend on your priorities and expectations to approach one of the two.

You could go in and have a dirty grind, or have your fingers dirty while you sit on the couch and chill. Hell, by the end of the night you might not even end up approaching either. We’d go straight for the pizza box.

That’s a steal!

Scary or Not Scary?

Your friends have suggested “Antebellum”. They say it’s this season’s most anticipated movie. You distrust them. After all, they’ve recommended that you watch all the instalments of Fifty Shades. You sorely regret that. So you go online, type in the keywords and hit search.

You do a double-take. You went from “aww” to “aww hell no” real quick. It wasn’t scary until a white kid appeared. Maybe the trailer isn’t that bad. It’s worse. You’re confused and engaged. What is going on? They did tell you it’s this season’s most awaited film. 

Your Vs You’re

Life
is simple for the first lot. These are the Napoleons, the Magellans, the
ruthless colonizers. Everything can be owned. Your, you’re, mine, ours- are all
possessory adjectives.

Credits to Someecards

For others, to contract incorrectly is a form of disrespect. They know there’s a huge difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit for lacking grammar skills. They have a particular set of skills- skills they have acquired over a very long career as grammar Nazis. If you rephrase your sentence now, that’ll be the end of it, if you don’t, they will find you and kill you.

Two Kinds of Advice

When you’re caught between choosing two men, remember these twin pieces of advice. You don’t have to choose. That’s good counsel there. One’s just basic physiology. It’s mere preparation.

You could get the rush as an after-effect. That’s your hormones flooding the system and making you feel happy. It’s a best-fit when you’re both contented and you see yourself growing with him.   

Good Omen or Bad Omen?

You’re
cast in a six-episode miniseries with an angel and a demon. You’re the
eleven-year-old at the junction of bringing the end of days or redemption to
mankind. On an uneventful morning, you reminisce.

Your guardians take their time replying. One thinks it’s hellish enough to have been swapped away at birth, while the other is optimistic that you’ve done well your whole life. Oddly enough, their replies are domestically relatable- like a married couple.

Life-Changing

This is why parenthood is a decision. It’s no longer a life milestone. You have the wide-eyed parents who understand and possibly magnify the ripple effect. If that glass bottle is knocked over, it’ll fall and break on the floor.

They’ll spend a couple of minutes cleaning it up, and by then their child will be in tears. They’d have to soothe them, and within those five minutes, their child could have learned the first few letters of the alphabet in class. What will he end up now? Then some remind us why parenthood should be planned. Let them experiment and uncover the mysteries of the universe, so long as they take the pill too.

Single or Multiple Plots

Oh is that the truth serum? Uzman unsheathes the syringe holding a compound. The benefactor claims it will make you “subjectable” and “highly responsive”. That’s truth serum. You’re told it’s not, and you sarcastically say “Oh right.” Uzman administers it and you’re adamant it is truth serum. You’re asked where Scott Lang AKA Ant-man is. You cock your head and choose between two divergent pathways.

See that’s complicated. When I first met Scotty, he was in a bad place…And now you’re just rambling with fast-paced images flashing on the screen. You hear you’re like a human jukebox, and you recount a ballad of songs. You’re redirected to his whereabouts. After five minutes of continuous rambling, you answer Scott Lang is literally in the woods.

With You or At You?

You
stubbed your toe. You woke up late. The team needed recruits and you were the
only one left out. Thankfully, you have friends to speak to.

One would empathize with you and run their hand across your back. They might even hug you for a few minutes and rant about the injustices of the world. The other would laugh with you, or even at you.

Single or Multiple Alarms

You know you’re not a morning person so you take precautions. Whether or not your phone has a snooze function, you’ll set several alarms a few minutes apart. Because life is never easy for a meme lord.

And
even when you’ve managed to wake up, you’re still lagging behind your morning
schedule. You turn to look at the clock, and see that you’re an hour late!

On the other hand, socially responsible people take
only 2 minutes to set an alarm, and less to stand up.  You both forget you’re on quarantine. No one’s
getting out of the house at 7 am sharp.

Multitask or Single Tab?

Before you browse through computers and laptops, you should look at this. You’d be well guided to choose the RAM capacity based on the number of tabs open, and the websites loaded on each.

Image Courtesy of Google/Twitter

Just like this quarter, you’re headed for a crash. You’d also have to consider your internet provider’s browsing speed. Because you might end up playing T-rex run more often than you want to.

Hate or Love

This
is that guy in the pub who’s sitting at the far end. Everyone knows better to
keep a 2-meter radius from him, even if the beer is on the house. Dare look at
him and you’ll be met with his bio.

Image Courtesy of All Posters

You
wouldn’t have to worry about figuring where you stand. We’re all on equal
footing. So go grab a beer. There’s no winning this guy over. We’ve all tried.

Pilot or Storm Trooper?

When your supplies have been flushed down the hole, you’d have to don that mask and head to the local supply mart.

Image Courtesy of Star Wars Helmets

You climb the stairs, twist the knob and enter the codes. A hiss of cool air hits you. Your eyes take a moment to adjust to the neon lights. You squint as you assess the protective gear you’ll be wearing for today’s battle. If your wife comes along, you’ll man the star fleet of the COVID resistance. Otherwise, you’ll be the main ground force agent going through the grocery aisles and lining up the produce by the debit section.  

Gym Buff or Dorito Buff?

There
are different ways to cope with this Quarantine season. Both use it
productively to gain weight. One wants to gain muscle mass. The other wants a
beer belly.                                                    
  

We wouldn’t mind a routine sweat every now and then. Let those endorphins flood your system. We’re all going to have to go through hell, worse than any nightmare we’ve ever dreamed. But when it’s over we’ll be left standing- with pounds of mass or fat.

Buffet Person or Buffet Person

This
is the nouveau riche. You know you’ve hit the golden ticket when your life
motto is

No more setting appointments. No more cancellations. No more call-ins. No more reservations. You get first-class dining, on-site every time, wherever you go around the world. Whether ordering that white truffle butter-infused Wagyu beef or the Frozen Haute Chocolate Ice Cream standing at $25,000, you don’t have to sweat having that card swiped – no limits.

People Person or Plant Person

You’re
at a party and your host gives you a tour of the house. It’s well ventilated
with tall ceilings and lots of breathing room. She lives in the city so there
aren’t any gardens, but she keeps plants. They’re all thriving and well-
luxuriating in the sunlight and glowing a healthy hue.

Image Courtesy of the Star

Then
there’s us.

We’re plant people. Sadly, the plants we keep and tend for aren’t people people, or people plants. That makes two of us. We’re not people-people either. It’s hard to socialize and keep up with social pleasantries.

Good or Bad

Life values determine our fate in life. Some people continually assess themselves to get better. We may not always get everyone’s vote of confidence, but we unconsciously attract to ourselves who we are, and that’s why they’re careful of the energy they emit.  

Image Courtesy of ifuny

Others attract people with the same degree of spontaneity and impulse control. Why does this book seem like a Deathnote in the making? With that humour, he shouldn’t be surprised about having to read his stand-up comedian-friends’ roasts.

Kids Vs Adults

This
image shouldn’t be disturbing if you’re below ten, and you don’t have net at
home. You’re thirsty for the good life, and you’re going with Milo.

You know you’re an adult if think otherwise. Let’s face it, we grew up faster because of the tons of unsolicited information online.

Music or Soul Lover?

If it weren’t for that design, we would cite this plate by the letter. Keep it wholesome for the officer. It’s good that she had her plate customized because that robin put everything into context.

Image Courtesy of Red Bubble

Squeaky clean, virtuous and pure- she has to be a music lover. Who doesn’t love jazz? There’s even one type that stirs the soul. Every tap, hit or blow thrust into that instrument strikes at the very core of your being. And by the end, there’s a certain release. You’d be Moanin’ with Art Blakey.

Readers vs Defilers

Better
have that holy water ready. Call the priest and schedule an exorcism STAT. In
this room is a defiler- a master of cult magic and destruction. Offer to hold
Father’s bible for ease in reading.

Image Courtesy of Drivepedia

It is unthinkable to read without using a bookmark. Bend or fold and you will lay waste to pulp. That is a misuse of print. That is basic sacrilege! And the demon must be cast out before anything is read again.

Tipper or Dine and Ditch?

Mindsets make or break us. But when it comes to men and dating, anonymity is generally a disadvantage. It’s hard to score a date or a lay when you’re going through the tides of women who come and go. That is until another guy discusses the advantage of being unseen.

We highly discourage that you steal from them unless it’s stealing unwanted attention and unsolicited numbers on tissue papers. Those women are working 12-hour long shifts, and managing the whole length of the bar. They’ll have you to thank for when you grant them an act of kindness. Best believe, they’ll be more accommodating the second time you come around to visit.

Dating Men or Boys

When
it comes to men, there are those who “go with the flow”. They’re consistent and
as time goes by, their efforts only get better.

Image Courtesy of Meme

Then there are those with suave de Sades. These are those who come on strong and disappear when things get rough. It could be due to a mismatch of expectations or a breakdown in communication. Whatever it is, he finishes first, and quicker in passing time. Then he goes extinct.

Taxi or Uber?

Some are always on the run and prefer having to call a taxi like they do in NYC. They don’t mind stuffing themselves in seats that have a history of bodily fluids.

Credits to TaxiFareFinder

They trust their drivers do routine disinfection, or they simply don’t have data subscriptions like the ones who book rides online. The second group prioritizes safety. They prefer privately-owned cars, and would only carpool with people within their pay rate. When in a rush, premium has got their back.

Bury or Flush

Thick-skinned- these are those who can stop by the highway shoulder, squat and relieve themselves without hesitation. There’s nothing as liberating as being one with the great outdoors. They’ve never been troubled about the lack of toiletries. They have a shovel in the compartment or scoot dirt over it. Bury, not flush.

On the other hand, the civilized are quick to spot restrooms and gas stops. They reward themselves with snacks and chips on the way out. You can rely on them to wash their hands. No water or soap? These folks would rather turn the knob with a 20-dollar bill and ditch it than go bare against the metal.

Vaper or Non-Vaper?

These are the only kinds of liars- lawyers or vapers. Lawyers present their defence citing secondary sources, and get away with it; graduate students can’t. They also get paid by the hour having their staff do their research. Credits go to them. Vapers on the other hand deceive.

We thought we smelled a unicorn and a happy ending. Now we just see smoke and not enough nicotine content to purge the vaper.

Actor or Handyman

Which Johnny do you like? How do they differ? Pronunciation, you say? We like to think it goes beyond that. It goes deeper than that. Both are professional actors and famous internet personalities. Both have won several awards, and have production companies. But while the first has won the Golden Globe Award for Best Actor, the second has won the AVN Award for Male Performer of the Year.

Johnny Depp is known for his long, illustrious career. Johnny Deep AKA Sins is known for his wide array of roles- his thrust into corporate management, construction and plumbing. We think they’ll last long…in their respective industries.

Books and Film Adaptations

It seems that there’s not much originality in Hollywood anymore. Screenplays are now film adaptations of books. You have “The Silence of Lambs”, “The Godfather”, “The Hunger Games”, “Game of Thrones” and the 9-year enterprise,

Image Courtesy of Vinod, Medium

For some, film adaptations ruin the fun of reading. Budgets limit on-screen time and conversations which portray the emotional depth of characters.  Others prefer watching it on the big screen because they’ll cover days of reading in just over two hours.

Apples: Sking or Without Skin?

Do you eat with skin or without it?

It depends. If there’s running water and soap, we can eat it with skin. If there’s none, it’s better to cut the apple into slices and nibble the fruit or have them peeled.

Either way, it’s sweet and tangy. It brings back pleasant memories of our childhood and the privilege of carelessness- rubs it on your shirt and take a bite! They say it keeps the doctor away, but we wouldn’t mind someone coming over to have an apple to share with.

Sarcastic or Play it Cool?

This
is that guy in the pub who’s sitting at the far end. Everyone knows better to
keep a 2-meter radius from him, even if the beer is on the house. Dare look at
him and you’ll be met with his bio.

You wouldn’t have to worry about figuring where you stand. We’re all on equal footing. So go grab a beer. There’s no winning this guy over. We’ve all tried.

Shorts or Parkas

You’re
caught between the length and layers of clothing. You can’t tell if it’s
because you live on the West Coast, that’s why you’re laid-back and you could
look good in denim, sweat suits or cotton clothing.

But others do fashionably well despite having a multitude of layers to unload when they clock in for work, or when they arrive at home.

 Making the Team: Which are You?

Some are well into their adulthood, but some are still awaiting puberty. And some have just learned how to skip rope, and can brace the impact.

Image Courtesy of World of Minds

High school can be rough. It depends if the going drags you to the dirt on the field or in the hallways. We know there’s a thing such as karma. High school, like most men, never last too long. It runs out of appeal, and sooner or later we start valuing grit and empathy. These help us achieve goals.

How do you inspire others to work with you in achieving this dream? Definitely, not by bullying.

Introvert or Extrovert?

One’s got an icicle up her bum, but she’s the adult of the household. She’s the realist. She’ll give you handy advice about lasting relationships and long life- you can’t marry a man you just met! This queen can create and control toiletries and alcogels. She’ll use her abilities to create a winter wonderland for the children in the household which includes the whole lot.

The other is the poor romantic, who has no clue about the pandemic. This one won’t last the week. She’ll go through the grocery supply within a week thinking it’s a picnic. That’s supposed to last the family a month! She’s also the type to give her hand to Trump. It’s true love if he hands out a $1000-subsidies. 

Anna, what do you know about true love?

Ice Cool or Melting Cream

When it’s summer you can expect two kinds of people. There are those who are eager to bathe in the sun and have relatively stable body temperatures, and then there’s those who just melt.

Image Courtesy of Me.me

The Cool ones dare to drink coffee or tea in the heat. We don’t know how they can manage to look good in nylon sweatpants. Doesn’t it stick? By the time you get home, everything’s plastered. Is this a mache of some kind? The other is sponsored by sports drinks. They’re game for a bottle of electrolytes and fluids, and like those drinks, they are best kept chilled.

Classics Vs Rips

You’re
not allergic to dust so you can frequent vinyl dumps and surplus stores. When
you rent your own flat, you plan to buy a classic gramophone or a high-end
turntable. You value the classics and you’d pay a bucketload for a collector’s
item. You treat music as the art that it is.

Image Courtesy of 2TypesofPeople/Facebook.

Meanwhile, others want their music on the go. They rely on music players to rip the songs and download them on their phones. They don’t worry about a sound system- a Bluetooth speaker will do.

Kids or Adults

When
you’re a kid, everything’s good so long as the images are moving, the sound is
audible, and the good guys are winning. But when you review those tapes as an
adult, you’ll see much innuendo your innocent mind breezed through.

In
Frozen, no one could thaw our hearts as well as Olaf. We think he’s cute.

Then there are people like this- people who
change your perception of Disney films forever. Never bring them on your first
view. Have them watch with you on the second- sort of a director’s cut.